Waiting Without Worrying

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Have you ever had to wait for something for a loooong time and never worried about it one time? If your answer is yes, then you're a better person than I am. Waiting for answers about my upcoming trip without worrying about it has been incredibly hard. Some of you might think worrying is normal and I agree; however, I know worry is not from God and worry can even be a sin. The Bible says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." (Philippians 4:6) Do not be anxious about anything. Cool. I like the way it sounds but it is an incredibly hard thing (for me) to put into action. The second part of the verse, "by prayer and petition, WITH THANKSGIVING, present your requests to God" sometimes, (again, for me) can be even harder. 

COVID (I hate that I even have to put that word in this blog.) has ruined a lot of things for a lot of people. For me, it has somewhat stalled my trip. Not in a sense that I'm not still going, because I am. But in the sense that there is a lot of unknown about the borders opening, about flying, about safety, about a lot of things. So, there have been a lot of days of quarantine that I've spent pouting and worrying and really making myself sick over this trip. One day I was getting on my own nerves so badly I finally just said, "Okay, God. Here I am. You know my desires. Give me a sign. Let me know You are still in control." That night, I sat straight up in my sleep and heard "I am doing something completely new." Woah. Okay. Something completely new - which means I have no idea what it is and no way to know how to control it - meaning there is absolutely zero reason for me to worry about it. Around the same time, the missionary family I am going to live with in the fall, called and told me of all the new things the Lord was showing them and doing for our girls home/school that we have been dreaming of! I was so encouraged. Then a few days went by with no sign of this virus mess easing up anytime soon and I began to worry again. A few days later, I gave it all to God again and told Him I was sorry for picking it back up, trying to control my situation and ultimately, worrying about it. A few days after that, I had a couple donations roll in. Then the cycle continued. Every time I start to worry then surrender, someone genuinely asks about my trip or I see something in a store (usually a bicycle figurine because KK means bicycle in one of the tribal tongues) that remind me of God's love for me and the love for Africa that He has given me. Now that every time I start to worry, I stop and think to myself, "He's doing something new. There's no way I can know what it is but I am here for Him 100%." And that is a daily thought and act of surrender. 

I've been listening a lot to Pastor Louie Giglio through podcasts and have heard some real nuggets of truth that I've planned to share but it hasn't felt like the right time. Until today, on my walk as I was struggling to get up a steep hill (thanks shin splints) I was listening to Louie's message about taking every thought captive. He likened our minds to a garden and the seeds we plant are our thoughts. He gave seven new seeds that we need to plant and one was "I serve at the pleasure of the King." I almost tumbled back down the hill after stopping dead in my tracks. That's me, I thought. Serving at the pleasure of the King. His will, not mine. No matter if I'm "stuck" in Birmingham or in Niger where my heart longs for, I am made to serve at the pleasure of the King and I will do it happily joyfully wherever he calls me.

So now for what you've all been waiting for - an update on my mission.
  • I still need ministry partners to commit to donating and praying for me. I currently have $450 in the bank. I have an organization that has pledged to donate the last half of the funds but I still need to raise the first half! 
  • Last I heard, Air France will begin flying again on September 1. I am supposed to fly out September 30.
  • I am currently taking 5 classes with UA so learning French on top of that was really making my brain hurt, I plan to take an intensive French course in August when my classes are done!
I have procrastinated writing this post for over a month because vulnerability and negative feelings can be hard for me, but here it is. No turning back. Please continue to pray for me and pray that I will be content wherever the King wants me to serve.

✈️ Kerra 

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