falling or flying?

I'm writing this on the morning of my 29th birthday and reflecting on how good God is to have kept me under the shadow of His wings -- the safest place for me to be. 

This time last year, I had abruptly left a ministry position that also served as my housing and 80% of my community in a new place only 5,659 miles away from my family and all I had known for 28 years. (No big deal, right?!) On my 28th birthday I woke up surrounded by moving boxes in a new place, spent the day with the first class of kindergarteners that I had ever taught, and had dinner and dessert, and played games with a few fun and very generous friends. Sure, social media made everything look secure, but I spent most of my 28th birthday napping (coping) and wondering what had happened. 

I felt like I had been pushed off a cliff and I remember praying that God would catch me. You know how when you're almost asleep and you feel like you're falling down a flight of stairs and your whole body jumps? That was my every day. But, I remember journaling on my 28th birthday and just thanking God for the goodness that I could see and reminding myself that He was still working. I felt like curling up in a ball and knew I could take refuge in Christ's love for me, despite my sin and insecurity. I was hopeful He would catch me.

Fast forward through months of therapy, good meds, biblical community and healing under the shadow of His wings. I praise God for where I am today one year later. I have been through a tough season of discipline but I am still hanging in the country that my heart calls home and looking forward to being part of a new ministry that is healthy and doing really amazing work here. I'm getting to soar now.

___

Each year just a few weeks before my birthday I ask the Lord for a "word" for the year. Last year it was "obedience" and I feel like I had to obey and be disciplined through some immensely difficult situations that lasted months and months. This year, my word is "safe". I didn't think much of it besides responding with a heart of gratitude that I did finally feel safe again. 

In late February, I started a therapy workbook and it asked how I envisioned my "future-self" and I wrote safe so I thought it was cool that this correlated.

In early March, I was hanging out with a few local friends and they asked if I had been given a Zarma name yet. I felt like this was a big deal (but it's probably not) and I asked my friend to choose one for me. He rattled off a few common names and none of them seemed to fit. I told him he should go home, talk to his wife and pray about it then let me know what he came up with the following Sunday at church. When I saw him at church he offered two options, then "my boys" (a few teens that come to church alone) picked the one they liked the best: SALIMA. I asked what Salima meant and I was told that it was an Arabic name that means "blessing". I thought it was cool and then I looked it up on Google later... it actually means "safe". I was stunned. 

How sweet of my Father to orchestrate a Zarma name for me that aligns with what my heart felt after working so hard to get here. Praise God that I am safe. Safe to be me, safe to learn from mistakes, safe to have boundaries, safe to love hard and be loved in return, safe under His wings. I no longer feel like I'm falling from a cliff, instead I feel like I have landed in a grassy meadow and I am getting to venture through the fields of flowers and into the trees, mountains and valleys, with Jesus holding my hand and leading the way.

I pray that I get to keep living this adventure with Him. I pray that the mountains, forests, and even the valleys are more than I can imagine in my wildest dreams. I pray my life is a testament of His goodness and love. May you feel this too. May we not doubt what our good Father is capable of or the great depths of His secure love. When you feel like you're falling from a cliff, remember if you hope in the Lord, you will soar on wings like eagles. 

"Never doubt God's mighty power to work in you and accomplish all this. He will achieve infinitely more than your greatest request, your most unbelievable dream, and exceed your wildest imagination! He will outdo them all, for His miraculous power constantly energizes you." Ephesians 3:20 TPT